Ghost of Earth ©

April 20, 2005 Uncategorized


Last night my dad came home and said he was going to take me out to Chinese and that we could go tanning.  We went tanning but not without fighting about last night and about ‘what I know’.  He kept telling me about how little I could know about relationships and life because I’m only sixteen, but I basically told him that he underestimates me.  This did not go far either way so we just went tanning.  After that we went out to Chinese and everything seemed fake.  It was alright I guess.  Afterwords we went to Meijer and got some stuff.  When I wasn’t talking on the way home he yelled at me.  I tried to explain that I didn’t like talking in car rides sometimes. 

When we got home I can’t really remember what we were fighting about but we were fighting again, and it was pretty bad.  I think it was about how much I don’t appreciate what he does for me again.  I told him to just give me back to my mom and he got pissed.  That firey rage kind of pissed, the kind when you know only something bad could come of it. 


He yelled at me while walking towards me and looked like he was going to hit me.  I don’t know if it was before or after he grabbed me by my neck that I yelled to him ‘you make me want to hurt myself’ but that only put him into a deeper rage.  There was a struggle.  Then he said he was going to take the day off of work and put me in Pine Rest.  Now, we all know I don’t need to be in Pine Rest, because truely, there isn’t much wrong with me except that I think about dying sometimes when I’m mad or upset.  It is common for this generation to think that way I guess.  It’s not like I would ever do it right?  It makes me sick to even think about cutting myself.  No worries there. 

I couldn’t take that he wasn’t talking to me about things so I went out into the dinning room and talked to him about everything that was bothering me in a stuttering voice (cause of hyperventilation).  So I’m sitting home today because I didn’t really want to go to school, and I didn’t want to deal with everything.  I’m going to quit Howies because I need to focus on school, doing badly in school (getting C’s) really hurts my confidence.  It really makes me feel bad when I know that I didn’t do good on a test.  I’d rather have that confidence then a miniscuel amount of money.  I will miss Howies so much, and it makes me cry just to think about never going back there to work again.  It really hurts me that I wont be able to just walk in that door and talk to everyone again.  I will miss them all.  We will meet again though.  They have all been there for me at a time and I don’t want to lose that.  I love you all at Howies.  Please understand that school is stressing me out to no end, I never get to see my dad and I have no time for myself anymore. 


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