I really like the fact that I’m hungry and I already ate dinner. That’s right. The father and I went to the Corner Bar in Rockford and got some chlli dogs again tonight. We went last night too. Last night we also went to Gliks and I got a couple shirts and some Bermuda shorts. They are cute I guess. Shopping makes me feel better…only for a little while though.
Is it weird how you can feel completely connected with someone yet feel like you are not close enough with them? I feel that way often I guess. I feel like no one could possibly feel how much love I have for them. It’s not just my lovers…not just the boys, it’s my friends and family as well.
Here’s another thing. What do you do when you think you’re finally starting to cope with the fact that you’re not wanted by someone, and then they come back into you’re life in that same way? The way that I mean is that loving way that they appeared in your life before the split or whatever. What do you do?
My dad put me on birth control. I’m not implying anything. I’m just saying that he did. Insurance doesn’t cover it now. We found that out today . It’s going to be about $40 a month.
And guess what else…my birthday in about 25 days. I will be seventeen. Seventeen.
I remember how I used to read the Seventeen Magazine and think I wonder what it’ll be like when I’m acutally 17 and I read this. And when I’m 18, will I still read it? Or will I have moved on to something bigger and better? Something more intellectual.
Will being 17 actually be better? Will that year be different in a better way than 16. Will I feel older? Will I get that excited feeling as another year passes me by? I hope so. I hope I love it. I hope that 17 is one of the best years of my life. I hope I remember it forever.
I will not miss being 16. Ever. This was one of the worst years of my life. Honestly. Too much drama.
I miss Tone. So this could quite possibly be the tattoo that I will get for my 17 birthday. Plus a chinese symbol for love…tiny…next to the wing on the left. It wil be on my lower shoulder blade (left one)
Blackness on the Vine
Blackness On the Vine is a performance piece written for and inspired by the performance …