Maybe now I can explain a little bit of what I have been feeling lately.
I’m really scared of graduating. I’m scared of being 18 because that means that I’m a legal adult, and that I’ve achieved the age I’ve been waiting for my whole life. I realized that I don’t really wanna grow up anymore. I hate it honestly.
I need to get a new job because this one I’ve got right now isn’t paying for shit. I’ve got bills to pay so every check I get barely pays for it. I need to be able to save my money for college and I don’t have enough money to do that with. Not only that but because I’ve been upset lately I’ve been spending more money. It’s like a temporary high. Doesn’t last long that’s for sure.
I’m scared of seeing my brother and sister grow up. It’s probably the worst thing that I could ever think of. Bryan was right when he said that the loss of innocence is the most horrible thing to watch. Now you all probably think that innocence means virginity but it doesn’t. As far as I know they are both still virgins, but they are starting to do the same things that I did at their age, and sometimes worse things. I just have to keep telling myself that it’s their lives not mine, but it’s that overprotective sister thing that kills me. I worry about them all of the time, and it makes me feel horrible to think that maybe when I was doing all of that stuff they didn’t worry about me. It makes me sick to worry about them. I can’t ever feel comfortable around them and it hurts me to be over there.
Maybe now certain people can understand why I am upset, and stop making up things or reasons for this so-called depression. There is so much more to it that I can’t really explain but I just thought that maybe explaining some of it would help me and some others understand.