The feeling of going backward and forward at the same time is both amazing and terrifying. I dont know what I want at all, and it scares me to death. I could go both ways in the same instant.
Knowing more of who I am has made it harder to pretend to be who I am not. It’s hard for me to just hang anymore, it’s hard for me to be interested in things that should seem interesting. I am stuck. I am in a rut and I want out. I just want this part of my life (We’ll call it Decision) to be over with. I just want to know where I’m going again, like I thought I did before.
PS- I don’t expect any of you to understand this at all. It’s all in my own head.
The fish are well.
I am trying to become flexible, ignorant, like I used to be. If that sounds conceited, it’s not meant to be, I have one of the lowest self-esteems.
It’s 11 pm, goodnight.